So this is weird

I've now had sex with my ex. Not sure how I feel about it yet. It was not loving sex at all, it was actually probably the coldest sex I have ever ever had. I half heartedly faked my orgasm, and then we went to sleep, not really touching much. I didn't touch him because I was afraid he would think I'm trying to win him back, which I'm trying not to be. He didn't touch me much either, but it's unclear if it's because he didn't want to or if he had issues as well. I wonder if I'll ever tell this to anyone. It's against all the rules.