I haven't posted for a while - not like anyone would miss it.
Nothing's really happened lately, exept for me being continually depressed, and the summer having arrived, making me, admittedly less gloomy but more guilty - for not enjoying it fully, with my... lover.
With my ex I've now tried starting a trend of going out as friends. Of course it's a horrible idea. I still love him. Before every encounter I give myself a peptalk hoping it will make me charm him in to pieces and then have the courage to actually launch the topic of "could we ever get back or not once and for all"? - but who am I kidding? I'll never do it.
So what happens is we go out, have forced conversation and I try to make myself start talking about what I want to say, but I just know I can't and in the end he says "should we leave?" and we do and even in the goodbye hug I can't do anything. And I go home trying to think that at least I've shown him that I can be in public without freaking out around him. Hey, what an achievement, right?
I just look at him and want to touch him. He's not even handsome, it's like some kind of joke. But he feels so close to me, and I want him. But he chose not to be. And it's REALLY hard to swallow. I'm a hot chick! I'm smart! I'm freakin' independent! Why doesn't he want me? It hurts!
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The proceedings of my broken heart
My boyfriend doesn't love me anymore. This is where I'll whine.
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- jerk done wrong
- I'm the jerk that got done wrong, and doesn't know how to cope.
8 comments:
Just ran across your blog, and I wish I had earlier. Even with the not-so-many posts here, I feel a weird connection to you, and I would like to talk to you. Don't worry, I'm not a creepy guy, in fact I am female, 18 years old. I have gone through the same thing as you, and I'd like to share experiences. You can contact me on AIM at callianthus, or my email is phoebasaurus@yahoo.com, or on LiveJournal http://www.livejournal.com/users/callianthus/info
I hope you get this!
Sincerely,
Phoebe
I don't know why, but the above commenter claims to be me. The email and "AIM" screen name are wrong, but the livejournal is correct.. my name is also Phoebe. I am also not 18, in fact I am much older.. just letting you know, I have no idea who that person is..?
I truly believe that we have reached the point where technology has become one with our society, and I am fairly certain that we have passed the point of no return in our relationship with technology.
I don't mean this in a bad way, of course! Societal concerns aside... I just hope that as memory becomes cheaper, the possibility of uploading our memories onto a digital medium becomes a true reality. It's one of the things I really wish I could experience in my lifetime.
(Posted on Nintendo DS running [url=http://will-the-r4-r4i-work.wetpaint.com/]r4i ds[/url] DS Fling)
Hello, I've been reading your blog and I totally relate to whatever you have gone through. If you don't mind, could you please let me know your e-mail ID? I'd like to talk to you.
Thank You,
Hazel
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