Radically better day

I've stopped actually counting the days because it was getting stupid. But anyway, yesterday was a horrible low point, and today I've been quite a lot better. I've gotten work done, I've gone to an editorial meeting which I rather enjoyed, and I've had dinner with friends.

I've started having new feelings - and now they're angry, cynical feminist feelings - and it feels good. Well, not really, but for the first time today - as I was picking up some beans and trying to figure out whether I had cheese or not, I actually had the thought: "well fuck him anyway, stupid arse". And that's a good feeling, of course. The next one was less positive, yet still in a quite different tone than what I've been feeling the last week. "Well, I'll of course be alone for the lest of my life, but it doesn't matter, I have work". Yeah, I know this isn't really positive but anyway. It's something different from endless ramblings of "I'll never touch him again, he'll never kiss me again, we'll never wake up together again etc etc etc".

Now I just miss him again, but anger flashes might be good. Or bad? Who knows? I'm tired of even caring.